Why is it that you not only get stuffed into the economy class-sized seats with zero leg room, arm rests you're required to share with your neighbour, and wobbly miniature tray tables meant only for a toddler and their Cheerios, but you're also the last to be boarded? Like do they think they're doing us a favour by giving us more time to NOT be in our tiny seats made for smurfs? Or is it so that we can watch all the ballers enjoy their mimosas, miles of leg room and reclining seats in jealousy as we make our way to the back of the plane where all the peasants are seated?
Although I know first class flights are 987790903421 x the price of economy flights, flying first class should be added to your bucket list and then checked off your bucket list. It's gotta happen at least once. So save up, collect the points, get a job at the airport - whatever you gotta do to get that first class ticket, because for that one flight, you're gonna feel like A BOSS.
You're given fresh pillows (with actual pillow cases - not the paper ones that go over the unwashed pillows that are fer suuure not regularly cleaned), a clean duvet (yes - a DUVET, not a prickly, pilled blanket, a DUVET), a warm hand towel when you're seated, an unlimited amount of booze and snacks, not to mention your own individual light-up pod that reclines to FULL horizontal lay down mode. Oh and don't forget about the adorable little flight kit they leave on your seat - a miniature toothbrush and toothpaste, an eye mask, a pair of socks, some floss, and a mint, all packed into a handy little fabric bag. Ladies, these pouches make perfect little makeup bags, just FYI.
They treat you like royalty up there. Anything you want, just ask - your wish is their command.
Yes, you may have to sell a kidney to pay for the first class flight, but here is a list of perks that are definitely worth giving up one kidney for:
- If you're an uneasy flyer, drink up - the booze is included
- Celebrating? Drink up - guess what, the booze is included
- If you're hungry, eat up - all the snacks you want are yours
- If you watch a sappy movie - cry all you want, your seat is enclosed in walls, no one will see or hear you
- If you're tired, recline that throne all the way back and let the zzz's roll in
- Gotta pee? No worries - the bathroom is 2 steps way
- Lonely? Call on one of the flight attendants, they'll chat you up (true story)
- In tears from a recent break up? They'll bring you a box of tissues (also true story)
- Need to fill out your immigration card and don't have a pen? They'll lend you one with a smile on their face (seriously though - why are they always so disgusted when you ask for a pen to be brought to your economy seat to fill out the paperwork that THEY gave you? And to top it off, they "[never] have an extra pen"...
All this to say, #yolo. Fly like a baller.